I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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