If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
