i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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