I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
