Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
