How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
