Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
