Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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