I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
