i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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