I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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