it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
