It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then he peed in my hair
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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