theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
