I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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