yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
