yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
