final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
