I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
