So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
