Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
PS: I just woke up from my shower
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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