You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
