let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
