i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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