her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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