At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
