if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
