If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
