About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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