haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
