Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
