I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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