What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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