I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
