The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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