I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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