I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
