he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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