woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
