I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
