Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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