If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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