Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
ttyl tear gas
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So much rum. So many feels.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
