You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
