just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
