The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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