Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
