I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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