I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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