The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
