I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
