I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
