I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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