i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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