remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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