It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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