My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
