So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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