mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
