Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
